Is it a city, Is it a suburb, is it a giant mist, Or Is it the forest growing back?

I had only two reasons to visit Seattle. Cobain and a couple of my dear friends. And I was prepared to not really take to the city. After all Seattle is synonymous with rain. And I hate rain. I don't get how people can romanticise about rains and like it and love it and more. I'm not a rain-person. Let that be heard wide and clear.

Then Seattle happened. The clear skied drizzle that the city engulfs you with is amazing. All those idiots have got it wrong, the best thing about Seattle is it's weather. And the quirks of a major city which hardly looks like a city. The green, the blue and the mist. I never expected to fall so hard for a city, but I did.

Seattle Space Needle - Look at the brilliant sky!

Seattle's most famous quirk - Gum Wall

Original Starbucks logo - The original shop had burned down a block away.

Never been more excited or happy to visit a Market.

Cheese making in progress

The house in the backyard of which Cobain shot himself .

Cobain/Nirvana fan bench near his place of residence (above)

Signature Song.

I found my new song. My new morning song, going to work song, working song, i'm going to nail it song, getting married so...wait I already did it, anyway, having a baby song, my unwind song, my  funeral song, my everything song.

Home Is Wherever I'm With You...

The trip is almost coming to an end and although it’s been Monday kind of crazy every day I find myself suddenly free for the next 30 minutes. Which is awesome, because I get to blog about how little time I’ve spent in recreational activities, this work trip. There was and is so much to cover that the office folks here decided to make us stay another week. Which is all good because maybe then I get to see a little bit more of the city.

I mean don’t doubt me, even after a work day that felt like numerous consecutive rounds of being boxed in the head I have dragged myself to Chinatown to have my favorite tea in the world, Boba Tea. I have also compelled myself to click an ungodly number of touristy pics in Fisherman’s Wharf. The usual, you know. I have met the in laws, the ex-room-mate, the ex-team-mate, the ex-pub-mates and had a good time somewhere between all the crazies. So as I enter the home run of this trip, I’m dreaming about the sunny side up eggs I get in bed every weekend or the cuddles or the pillow talk or the random whatsapp conversation with sister. There is an exaggerated homesickness this time because well, my little kid sister starts her brand new college life in whole new city all by herself. This is making me feel nostalgic, emotional and happy all at the same time and I’m having some major empty nest feeling even though I haven’t lived with that bugger for 9 years. Yikes! I guess the baby of the family always does remain the baby of the family.

So, obviously, I can’t wait to be submerged by everything that is home to me – But not before I walk on the ground that was home to my favorite musician.

Of Impromptu Travels.

In a matter of 48 hours I find my self leaving home to travel halfway across the world for a couple of weeks. Not that I'm the most organized or well planned out traveler ever but usually I'd like to get a little bit more notice than that. Anyhoo, since I'm already here in the beautiful city of San Francisco, I'm going to make full use of my time here. Maybe even write a bit, since I haven't for almost 2 months.

And visit one of my favoritest married couples in Seattle. I swear I'm going to go total Grey's Anatomy on their ass, yo!

Wedding Times - Proud Owner Of A Husband

I attended 2 weddings in a span of less than 3 weeks. Let me tell you, it's brutal - mentally, physically & financially. Especially when one of those weddings is yours.

My wedding was everything I just knew it would be – last minute travels, too much alcohol, too many people going bonkers, super duper long wedding day (owing to our insistence on get married according to both our cultures), hungover morning, late late nights, family togetherness, shameless flirting friends, meeting new people. And so much more!

Here are a few of the wedding shots:

Hindu Ceremony
cheezensnap.com

Muslim Ceremony
cheezensnap.com

Tying the knot (literally!)
cheezensnap.com

That is after lots of booze :)

My best part about weddings has always been the friendships that form and the love that flows after copious amounts of alcohol. How can you not love that? And the incurable flirting…what’s a wedding without people trying to randomly hook up, right?

All in all, it was one of the most eventful days in our lives. Now that we’ve settled into our normal lives again, I can’t say I’ll do it all over again if I could – because let’s face it having your self weighed down with tons of jewelry, makeup and clothes can only seem doable for a few days.

Also, if, by chance, I was craving any more wedding my friends P & U were getting married 3 weeks from our D day (that is a story for another post). Hungover, tired and with aching feet when I finally slept in my bed on Monday, I thought - "that’s it! I’m DONE with them weddings!" Who was I kidding? 2 of my lovelies gets married in September, what’s more, this email that I received two hours ago comes with all the dates and stuff. And so starts the Wedding mania again. Dear diet, here I come (Which is good, because I’ve exploded after my wedding, thanks to enormous amounts of food, alcohol and dinner parties). Also, booking tickets, getting clothes ready…but but but…I have a husband now. I’ll make him work. He has to right? It’s his job isn’t it?

Sometimes I wish I was less delusional.

Changes

Quote-Love #4

Keeping It Real

I have been having a lot (and I mean a LOT) of discussions about weddings lately. And if you're reading this and thinking - Oh, can't she just shut up about it already! - then I'll have you know that if I am going through this, then you are too. To add to the mix 2 of my bestest friends are getting married this year as well. Talk about wedding overload!

I get a ping from one of them saying she knows this friend of a friend who got married 5 years back and they were wildly in love but now both of them are comfortable with the partner sleeping around. Now, before you think I'm being judgmental towards those who chose to go into open relationships let me assure you I'm not. It's just not my style. And it makes me super uncomfortable to think that would what my relationship could become. M says her better half and she are making lists that would help them live their own lives and be individuals.

Shit, maybe I should do some sort of list as well. I mean we make it a point to do different things, give each other enough breathing space and basically not become one entity - but what if it's not enough?

While I'm soaking all of this information in, Roy tells me that everytime she thinks the wedding is coming close she gets this uncontrollable urge to puke. She sleeps with a perfumed handkerchief at night to feel better.

Yes! that's what happens to me too. Now that the wedding is near I get these sudden urges to puke. With a fair amount of nausea and palpitations involved. And it'll strike me at the least expected hour.

How I goddam wish I was those perfect girls from the chick-flicks who have waited for their wedding their entire life, planned minute details and can't get enough of the preps. I mean I didn't even know what  I wanted and how I wanted things till the wedding preps actually started and I was forced to think about it.

The nausea, the palpitations, The I-have-never-thought-about-my-wedding scenario and the List making for living like individuals - Doesn't really conform to the whole romanticism involved in a wedding, right? But it's real. And I like to keep it real. So, that's good.

Also, now that I think about it I never get those 'what-the-hell-is-happening' pangs when I sleep at night. Or right now, with Mr. B snoring away to glory. Or when he put the ring on my finger. I guess if this is how it's going to be forever - I'm fine with it. And this is real too.

That doesn't mean I won't get that nauseas feeling and it's because I freeze when you put me in front of 10 people and I feel like I have to perform or speak which is exactly what weddings are about. But that's a story for another time.

Save The Date

Someday, in the time that we don't expect, we'll just meet. And maybe, it'll be forever.

Sharing the save the date photos that one of friends took for us. She did such a wonderful job, and I cannot wait to use these photos for the cards. If you're in India and want to get a couple shoot or candid wedding photography done check these guys out at ShutterbugsWeddingPhotography.

Battles

You know the D-day is approaching when your boyfriend/fiance/future-husband wakes you up at 5:50 AM and says "Baby, let's go. We have to go run.'

I did. And played 'Fuck You' on repeat.

Sometimes I think that 50 years down the line when I look back on my life - all I will see are battles with the cellulite/fat/etc.

Tackle Later!

I'm glad for friends who understand when I can't make it for a night out or a party or just a lazy sleepover. Especially, since nowadays I'm drowned for all the wedding work. The last thing I need is someone breathing down my neck for some such silly thing. As it turns out not only am I taking care of my things, but heavily involved in what Mr. B has to take care of. Because let's be honest, all B has are lazy bones in his body. And with less that 3 months to go...i'm in a whirlwind of crazy right now.

I mean I love writing. But I haven't, for over a month. There is no time. Hopefully, it is all worth it in the end. Because right now weekdays have merged into weekends and so on and so forth. Moreover, a couple of friends are in town who cant be there for the wedding...and I want to meet them and catch up. I feel my head is going to burst into a zillion pieces at any moment.

And for the ones who don't understand, I'm just trying to keep my calm with them. I'm just going to put all of them in a box labeled 'Tackle Later.' Honestly, I want to have time for them, for chats in pub, for myself even. But I can't... not with 80 odd days left. It's like a time warp right now where minutes, hours and days have merged into one big ball of nothing.

I miss URoy with her drive to finish things. Yes, she's a 'finisher'. Had she been here, between the 2 of us i would have finished with my wedding trousseau AND hers as well. Well, you can only hope for so much I guess.

I'm ready to wage a war against time, schedules, tailors, clothes, unending clothes, air tickets, food, keeping fit, sleeplessness and work. Everything else that crosses my path, I will 'Tackle Later.'

Find of the Year!

As I was sifting through the entire internet (which I'm thinking I should turn into a career soon) I found a website which is probably going to become my favorite website of all time.

It's called Gizoogle.net. What does it do, you ask? Well it turns all search results and entire websites into Gangsta lingo. For real! So I went crazy over it and told every freaking person around me how cool, it was and shit. Just see what it does, I put an old post of mine and it translated it in gangsta language and I've been laughing like an hyena every time I read it...

You have seriously got to check it out (I swear I'm not being payed by them)!

No Country For Women & No Year For Analysis

So it’s time to wrap up the year. Christmas is over…New Year is looming over our heads. It’s been while since I’ve even seen my freaking blog, thanks to inhumane amounts of work that was lined up. But during the time I did not write all hell broke loose around me…us. A Khap leader went on to say that Fast food and Chinese food are the reasons that rape happens in our country, but that’s not all, he said this on national television. A fundamentalist leader who’s means and intentions have always been questionable passed away, and so many were affected like you wouldn’t believe. Couple of girls got arrested for just Facebooking about how his death should not be affecting a city like Mumbai or some such thing. A pre-med student got beaten to pulp and gang-raped in the Capital. In the middle of all the ruckus and protests for a better life for women in this country my problems seemed too vain and too trivial to start on.

But I have to. At some point you know. With time speeding towards my wedding I’m edging more towards the bridezilla zone. I’m nervous and I feel like nothing is getting done. The thing about weddings is what you happens and what you dream of might be VASTLY different. What’s common is in both scenarios it’ll end up being perfect. So that’s what I’m hoping for. I mean right off the top of my head I can atleast name 50 different things that need being done and my problem is I just cannot for the love of God delegate. I need to be involved in every minute detail.

Décor? What color? Food? How many courses? Is there going to be enough fish? Guests? Where will they stay and how? Wedding favors?

I mean I can easily delegate these to SuperMom and SuperDad and they’ll take care of it. But I just can’t. And I haven’t found the perfect dress for the wedding reception and I’m losing sleep and hair over how I’ll never find it. I expected weddings to be less stressful. God knows why.

And I haven’t been able to shed even an ounce of weight which is basically causing a lot of stress. So as you can imagine much to my chagrin I discovered that stress actually causes excess abdominal fat. So now not only do I need to obsessively be involved in all the planning but do it with genuine happiness.

All in all I’m just happy that this year is over. It was such a cocktail of good, bad and ugly life events that I don’t have the energy to actually analyze. I’m just gonna let it be.

This country is no country for women and this year is no year for analysis.

The Best & The Worst

I had a weird week. The best and worst.

I had the best time because Boy is back. Also, last weekend I spent playing "Colorman, Colorman" with 4 grown-ass people in their late 20s. Wait...what? You don't know the game? It's where one person has their back towards everybody else and others shout "Colorman, Colorman, what color do you choose?". Now, colorman chooses a color, turns and starts running towards the others. If he catches you before you touch anything of the same mentioned color you become the colorman. It's fun but also potentially life threatening when you are playing it with 180 pound 6 feet guy.

I discovered I shriek. A lot. Exactly what I did when I was way younger. Somethings really don't change. Uroy is mostly in denial, will hold on to a blue curtain and say "It's green!". Aruni is mostly letting us be crazy and tripping on air like her usual self. P... *insert side splitting laughter* thinks we are conning him because he knows only 10 colors.

Also, I got my nose pierced. A finally got me to do it. Though I threatened to kill her if anything went wrong. She was unfazed. And the good thing is that I have an amazingly high threshold for pain. And I kind of like it now that it's done.

The worst because URoy is leaving. She is the most unsocial, lazy, whiny, paranoid at time, sarcastic, mean girl I have ever met and she is my friend because of those very reasons. I love her and I hate goodbyes. Everything said and done no matter how much she changes, how many kids she has, how many times she gets married - she will always be the girl I can kick back with with a pint of beer and talk about things I probably wouldn't talk about with most people. I've always hated goodbyes and as I grow older I hate it more. Especially when it's saying goodbye to people you consider family. And P is going too...ofcourse, those stupid love birds. And you can't help but not miss that gentle giant of a guy. Here's to amazing beginnings!

The Point.

I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for.

This is all I have been thinking about in an all consuming kind of way. I don't want to sit around work in an MNC and worry about carpal injuries from incessant typing and deteriorating eye sight from looking at my laptop 10 hours a day. Maybe I'm just tired of the routine, the monotony or casual listless-ness that life has seemingly taken on, maybe it's just a phase or maybe I'm serious.

The great thing about being in your 20s is that you don't know. You can't figure it out. All you have is this stupid careless heart which will bully your brain into realizing what you want or don't want. Why can't the heart leave the brain alone?

What is it that I want? I want to volunteer, I want to teach, I want to travel, tell people what a wonderful gift travelling is, teach people to apply themselves, help them figure out who they are, tell them it's okay to be a misfit, tell kids that education is important, show them what they can do, that they have a choice, everybody has a choice. So why do I feel like I don't have a choice?

I want to learn. Learn about things I don't know. Keep an open mind and an open heart. I want to sit down and solve math problems because 10 years down the line I find solving them much easier than answering questions like "What to wear to work today?" or "Why is this happening to me?".

I want to see. See new cultures, new horizons, new places, new people. I want to hear. Hear about these new people, hear their opinions, hear their views. I want to believe. Believe that all of this will change me for the better, believe that I can do almost anything that I set my mind to.

So what are you saying, you ask. I'll say, I'm at that Point. What point? THE point. The point in life when you realize that everything you've worked towards is not what you wanted or even care for at this moment. The point when you need to re-evaluate everything you've done. Redo everything you've spent your entire 20s working on and building. The point where in some weird way it all starts to make sense and make no sense all at the same time.

A Bottle Or Three

Considering the last few days were all about the hospitals and running around and medicines for A, it was obviously time for a cheer-up-brunch for her. Now that I'm getting older I absolutely love day time drinking. Especially on a Sunday.

Problem is A doesn't know how to do normal drinking or tone anything down. So by the time I was there a bottle of wine was ordered and rearing to go. 3 hours down we'd finished off 3 bottles of wine and saying things none of us even attempted to understand and asking for the 'best House wine' and having the waiters tell us 'Ma'am we have only ONE House wine'. And since we were not done and were not sure if we could finish a bottle we started ordering by the glass. Turns out we might as well have ordered a bottle and some more.

After ridiculous conversation and enough amount of drunk dialing B we got literally hit by this idea which was beyond awesome. Thing is, drunk people get ideas. And they are adamant about them. Mainly because they think it's the best thing they have ever thought of. A and her friend thought it would be freaking awesome to finally get my nose pierced. And, man, were we a group of determined girls. We visited 5 jewelry shops none of which helped.  At 9 in the night we reached a popular hospital's emergency ward and I said "I'm getting married tomorrow. I need my nose pierced. Otherwise I won't be able to get married. It's an emergency. Kind Of."

So confused was the attending doctor that she called up the ENT specialist to find if they even did something like that. turns out they do. But not at 9PM on a Sunday. I'm still not sure why didn't

think of going to Tattoo/Piercing places?!

I guess ideas that come after 3 bottles of wine don't always have the best execution plans.

You'd think the story is over. But you haven't met a more determined person than A. So she's still trying to drag my ass to this piercing place and get it done. Maybe she's still drunk. We did have a lot to drink on Sunday.

It's Manic, This Addiction.

Masterchef Finals Week - you are killing me!

Long Distance Birthday & Being Alone...

... are both things that I apparently suck at. 

There's something very not fun about it being your boyfriend's birthday when he's not in the country. But there is something extremely exciting about knowing that he's living his dream! That’s how I’m spending this September 26, the day the boyfee was born.

Speaking of birthdays, first time since I left home, which is more than 8 years, I was at home for Dad’s birthday. This kind of turned out well because we got to shop along with Dad and eat beautiful Bengali food. However, this is the year where vacations to go home is nothing like, well…vacations. This is the year when I spend ridiculous amounts on things I usually wouldn’t invest in and not to mention the liberal dose of how-to-save-money conversations with the folks.

So with B living it up in the states and my mini-home-vacation over I have the house all to myself. Which, funnily enough, I don’t like much. I used to live by myself for almost 4 straight years. 2 years I stayed with this girl who used to pull night shifts and we’d only meet on Sundays – which obviously doesn’t count as staying with a person. It’s like meeting the woman in the local salon every 2 weeks. Anyhow, I used to love living alone with a vengeance. With all the things that I could possibly need on one side of my double bed and me on the other. Amazing stuff, that! And I remember the apprehension within me when I finally made the decision to properly move in with Uroy and then B. I thought it was the end of an era, which it kind of was.

Now with the entire house to myself I can’t get myself to do it. To stay alone. So I’m running to URoy’s place. Not that it’s any better because the bitch and a half made me watch Paranormal Activity 3 till 1:30 in the morning and then to “erase the bad memory” as P puts it we talked about past life regression analysis and how trauma of a previous life continue into other lives and recurring nightmares and what they could mean. And because talking about nightmares and past life regression never helped anybody sleep well I’m trying not fall asleep on my keyboard by writing this post.

Love-Hate

Sometimes I'm not sure if I should be grateful for the technology.

Doppelgangers

Well eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. These completely different people who just happen to look like us. Five years ago? That girl was pretty great. But doppelganger Robin? She's amazing. - Ted Mosby, HIMYM

If you were me September would be a ka-razy month for you. In a good way. Almost 50% of the people in my life who are important have their birthdays on September. Mom, Dad, Mr. B, Mr B's dad, BFF,2 of my fav girls, 2 of my closest cousins, one childhood friend and the list goes on. And if the first birthday of the month is anything to go by...I can probably only rest when October hits.

But with birthdays comes surprises. I think I like surprises even though I pretend to hate them. I mean I'm not sure. I haven't figured it out yet. You'd think at 26 I'd be able to tell if I like a certain thing or not. Turns out that's not how I roll. I mean some surprises you are bound to love. For example a surprise Katy Perry concert bang in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard on the day of my visit! True Story.

So I keep wondering if it's as difficult for other people to figure themselves out. It's fun, sometimes. But there are times when I could definitely do without the uncertainties. We are all looking to find ourselves through our travels, reading, adventures, work, friends, family etc. But by the time we find ourselves do we become a different person? Do we find someone we never were? Just doppelgangers who act, talk and walk like us?

Doesn't make any sense? I know. Me too.