Changes

Keeping It Real

I have been having a lot (and I mean a LOT) of discussions about weddings lately. And if you're reading this and thinking - Oh, can't she just shut up about it already! - then I'll have you know that if I am going through this, then you are too. To add to the mix 2 of my bestest friends are getting married this year as well. Talk about wedding overload!

I get a ping from one of them saying she knows this friend of a friend who got married 5 years back and they were wildly in love but now both of them are comfortable with the partner sleeping around. Now, before you think I'm being judgmental towards those who chose to go into open relationships let me assure you I'm not. It's just not my style. And it makes me super uncomfortable to think that would what my relationship could become. M says her better half and she are making lists that would help them live their own lives and be individuals.

Shit, maybe I should do some sort of list as well. I mean we make it a point to do different things, give each other enough breathing space and basically not become one entity - but what if it's not enough?

While I'm soaking all of this information in, Roy tells me that everytime she thinks the wedding is coming close she gets this uncontrollable urge to puke. She sleeps with a perfumed handkerchief at night to feel better.

Yes! that's what happens to me too. Now that the wedding is near I get these sudden urges to puke. With a fair amount of nausea and palpitations involved. And it'll strike me at the least expected hour.

How I goddam wish I was those perfect girls from the chick-flicks who have waited for their wedding their entire life, planned minute details and can't get enough of the preps. I mean I didn't even know what  I wanted and how I wanted things till the wedding preps actually started and I was forced to think about it.

The nausea, the palpitations, The I-have-never-thought-about-my-wedding scenario and the List making for living like individuals - Doesn't really conform to the whole romanticism involved in a wedding, right? But it's real. And I like to keep it real. So, that's good.

Also, now that I think about it I never get those 'what-the-hell-is-happening' pangs when I sleep at night. Or right now, with Mr. B snoring away to glory. Or when he put the ring on my finger. I guess if this is how it's going to be forever - I'm fine with it. And this is real too.

That doesn't mean I won't get that nauseas feeling and it's because I freeze when you put me in front of 10 people and I feel like I have to perform or speak which is exactly what weddings are about. But that's a story for another time.

Find of the Year!

As I was sifting through the entire internet (which I'm thinking I should turn into a career soon) I found a website which is probably going to become my favorite website of all time.

It's called Gizoogle.net. What does it do, you ask? Well it turns all search results and entire websites into Gangsta lingo. For real! So I went crazy over it and told every freaking person around me how cool, it was and shit. Just see what it does, I put an old post of mine and it translated it in gangsta language and I've been laughing like an hyena every time I read it...

You have seriously got to check it out (I swear I'm not being payed by them)!

The Point.

I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for.

This is all I have been thinking about in an all consuming kind of way. I don't want to sit around work in an MNC and worry about carpal injuries from incessant typing and deteriorating eye sight from looking at my laptop 10 hours a day. Maybe I'm just tired of the routine, the monotony or casual listless-ness that life has seemingly taken on, maybe it's just a phase or maybe I'm serious.

The great thing about being in your 20s is that you don't know. You can't figure it out. All you have is this stupid careless heart which will bully your brain into realizing what you want or don't want. Why can't the heart leave the brain alone?

What is it that I want? I want to volunteer, I want to teach, I want to travel, tell people what a wonderful gift travelling is, teach people to apply themselves, help them figure out who they are, tell them it's okay to be a misfit, tell kids that education is important, show them what they can do, that they have a choice, everybody has a choice. So why do I feel like I don't have a choice?

I want to learn. Learn about things I don't know. Keep an open mind and an open heart. I want to sit down and solve math problems because 10 years down the line I find solving them much easier than answering questions like "What to wear to work today?" or "Why is this happening to me?".

I want to see. See new cultures, new horizons, new places, new people. I want to hear. Hear about these new people, hear their opinions, hear their views. I want to believe. Believe that all of this will change me for the better, believe that I can do almost anything that I set my mind to.

So what are you saying, you ask. I'll say, I'm at that Point. What point? THE point. The point in life when you realize that everything you've worked towards is not what you wanted or even care for at this moment. The point when you need to re-evaluate everything you've done. Redo everything you've spent your entire 20s working on and building. The point where in some weird way it all starts to make sense and make no sense all at the same time.

Doppelgangers

Well eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. These completely different people who just happen to look like us. Five years ago? That girl was pretty great. But doppelganger Robin? She's amazing. - Ted Mosby, HIMYM

If you were me September would be a ka-razy month for you. In a good way. Almost 50% of the people in my life who are important have their birthdays on September. Mom, Dad, Mr. B, Mr B's dad, BFF,2 of my fav girls, 2 of my closest cousins, one childhood friend and the list goes on. And if the first birthday of the month is anything to go by...I can probably only rest when October hits.

But with birthdays comes surprises. I think I like surprises even though I pretend to hate them. I mean I'm not sure. I haven't figured it out yet. You'd think at 26 I'd be able to tell if I like a certain thing or not. Turns out that's not how I roll. I mean some surprises you are bound to love. For example a surprise Katy Perry concert bang in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard on the day of my visit! True Story.

So I keep wondering if it's as difficult for other people to figure themselves out. It's fun, sometimes. But there are times when I could definitely do without the uncertainties. We are all looking to find ourselves through our travels, reading, adventures, work, friends, family etc. But by the time we find ourselves do we become a different person? Do we find someone we never were? Just doppelgangers who act, talk and walk like us?

Doesn't make any sense? I know. Me too.

Benchmarks

It's Friday night, and I'm waiting for the cab to be here so I can leave work and go home...and drink. Also I'm finishing off my weekly status report to send to my manager. Yea, he kind of has trust issues. 9 points down I can't remember anything else and that's not good. I mean that's enough work but a list that has 9 points looks...weird. I mean it should have like even numbers...if the numbers are in fives or tens that's even better. It's like this pet peeve I can't get rid of. But then, I realised there is a 10th point in there.

10. I cleaned up your mess!

With the list complete , mentally of course, I was just looking at random things on Facebook. I just decided that I am GLAD I have benchmarks for certain things in my life. Yes, I do have a ridiculous number of benchmarks but at least it keeps me from turning into people I dont like, or lifestyle I'd rather not have.

1. I'm never going to hold some one responsible for the mess I have created. Never. Even if I become the CEO or win the damned Noble Prize.
2. I know some friends who are SO married it just gets on my nerves. I also know friends who act like they are married couple celebrating their 25 years together, when they are only dating. I'm never going to be that married. I'm always going to have at least of couple of friends crashing my place, and I'm always going to do Thursday Ladies night with Pasta and some drinking session with the girls. I have a full proof plan. Pasta is allowed to bitch slap me into another galaxy if I become too married at any point in my life. I can do the same.
3. Have lazy Friday nights. Lazy weekends? Yes. Friday night? No, sir! I mean why in the world would I sit and laze at home when I'm perfectly healthy and capable of getting drunk and being a nuisance?! I'll act 50 when I'm really 50. No my ideal Friday night will never be drinking coffee and cooking food.
4. I will not a be a corporate slave or a brand whore. 
5. I refuse to be an obese couple. This is why I'm waking B up at 6 in the morning to run. He probably hates me by now.

Rest are a little to detailed or personal. But what I;m saying is - Have Benchmarks. Super solid, non-vage, real benchmarks. You don't want to be 50 and be someone you never wanted to be.

Being Anonymous

I think we've already established that I like travelling. It’s mainly because I like how a new city feels. Anonymous. Yes, it feels anonymous. You break away from your usual lifestyle and fall into this routine that is mostly not you. I like it. Mostly for a few days before the I crave my usual routine. But right before the craving for familiarity begins I like that whole anonymous feeling. You could walk for miles and not see anything that you know about. Typically I don’t like surprises. If you want to surprise me tell me in advance. But the small surprises that comes with a stroll or a cab ride in a new city is a different rush.

And then in the middle of the break I like to make routines for myself. My life, you could say, is gigantic collage of life lists, routines, weekend rituals, to-do lists. Without these I feel like my life’s spinning out of control. Yea, I’m kinda crazy like that…

 I wasn’t kidding, see?!

So having these mini-routines while I’m away from my real life is important. Very important. Like making coffee first thing in the morning, or the small walk back to the hotel, or responding to my emails at night. It’s funny because I’d never do ANY of those things back home. Walk back home? Physically impossible. Respond to email at night? Sorry, dude, I don’t take work back home.

Also the best part about being here has been my counterpart here who is a Foodie. Yes, with a capital F. He’s taken me around to eat weird Chinese food and the best burger in town and cold tea with tapioca balls. Food is always the best part of going to a new place. But the craving for home is kind of coming at me pretty fast and the euphoria will only last so much. But before that happens, it’s going to be New York tonight. My Life List should be doing a crazy victory dance right now

The Libran, The Taurean & The Normalcy

This Taurean is not one to make quick decisions about taking on a lover. She likes to take her time...go slow. But this Libran man with his typical charming Libran ways has her saying yes quicker than she ever imagined. Something so unlike her leaves the Taurean's nerves on the edge but of course, all she needs is that charming smile to soothe those edgy nerves.

The Libran with his smile and keen sense of style never has a shortage of admirers. Which is in fact really good, because Miss Taurean tends to get comfortable. Those bevy of admirers keeps her going to the parlor every 2 weeks, keeps her from having too much of those ice creams or keeps her from not doing her nails on time.

But lazy Libran doesn't like to fuss over cleanliness. Taurean on the other hand is obsessive about it. But Mr Libra wants a well kept home and will fly off the handle when he can't find his socks. So for this and this alone he doesn't get in the way of Miss Taurean's cleaning frenzy. Which is perfect as far as Taurean is considered.

But while Taurean will never ask Libran to shower her with affection she will feel resentful if he doesn't. Taureans never ask, they're kind of crazy like that. But in that perfect Libran way he's never far away from appreciation. Or letting Taurean know about the endless possibilities of being together. While Libran is limitless and boundless in his imagination and takes Taurean to places she takes time to get comfortable with...Taurean is limitless and boundless with her love, security and passion.

But oh how she hates the PDA. But how unfazed is Libran because he knows she will warm up to it. All the Taurean woman wants is her sense of stability and security and routine. When PDA becomes routine, she stops complaining. Libran knows that very well. He's smart like that. And it is this intellectual bent of mind because of which Ms Taurean loves to have this big debates and important life conversations with Libran. While they both love beauty it is this connection they have at a different level that keeps them going. Strong.

So this Taurean brings some semblance of reality and stability into the intellectual, crazy about beauty and love, strong believer of endless possibilities and never quite jaded Libran. While the Libran is busy wooing her with his boundless ideas and affection when she's too grounded. Or putting her before him when she forgets about herself. Or just just plain dragging her out of the clutches of normalcy that she tends to gravitate towards.

Thank you for being my anti-normalcy drug, B!

Nerves

"I want to travel the world." If you've been around me enough you would've heard this a fair number of times. But when it actually comes down to it I get this weird, can't put a finger on it, heart at the pit of my stomach kind of feeling. And, no, its not just about travelling alone. Maybe when I'm with others the sinking feeling is a little less...but its definitely there. I don't know if it's about keeping numerous vital documents with you, the long hours, the worry of having left something behind or the running around that becomes mandatory everytime you travel - but all you see of me, a couple of days prior to the journey, is a pile of nerves.

On the other side of the flight journey, though, is a Tourist Ninja.

I Had A Conversation With Little Me

WHAT IS IT? Why are you stalking me? Either I'm hallucinating or you've become a certified stalker!
I think you're hallucinating.
Well, that won't be surprising. This fever is sucking the life blood out of me. What are you doing her anyway? You're way past your bedtime.
Well, you of all people should know that I don't have a bedtime. Folks are chill like that.
Fine. But, again, what are you doing here?
Thought I'd pay you a visit. Things are changing aren't they?
Hmm, yes. They are. But I like these changes, you know. I guess you wouldn't know, you're too young.
Oh Gawd! Stop calling me young! Well, first I wanted to check with you and second that sister of ours is too much trouble. I thought I'd get away for a while.
Haha. Don't worry about it. By the time you hit 20 she'll be one of your best friends. You'll have hour long conversations with her on weekends about nothing at all. Laugh about random things that you won't even remember later.
Fine. I'll take your word for it. I mean I have to, don't I? But there's this other thing....or rather this other boy. He's moving! I mean I can't imagine. I've crushed on him for so long and now he's moving. I never even got to tell him anything. That's not fair is it? What if I regret it for the rest of my life and what if I die lonely?
Well, one thing's for sure you'll always be a drama queen. 13, 21, 25 - drama is your way of life. But that boy? Yeah, he was a good one. And he'll also be the first of your friends to get married...
Wait...WHAT?! Are you serious? I think I'm going to pass out from this physical pain.
If I was any healthier I would've rolled my eyes right now. No, you're not going to pass out. Relax. Well you won't be affected when that happens and you'd actually be really happy for him, you know?
 No, I don't know! I can't imagine me being...
Can I finish? Well, you will be happy. So deal with it. He will go on to be one of your really good friends...you might lose in touch though but you won't regret anything about this. I'd wish you were a lot more proactive about keeping in touch.
 Yeah, well. I'll atleast have the Super Seven with me all my life.
First, that's the lamest name ever. Second, don't count on that.
[Groan] You're like the bearer of the worst pieces of information ever.
What? I'm not saying you will stop being friends. Just some of you may not be around all the time. Some of you will go to far away places, do really well for yourselves and will always remember each other fondly. Also, you'll make some helluva friends that will mean more to you than you can possibly imagine right now.
Who are these friends?
Nope. Can't tell you that.
Why?!
Sometimes you gotta let the magic happen without knowing all about it.
So tell me about these changes, huh?
What's there to tell? You know about them, that's why you're here, right?
Yea, obviously. But I want to know all about it. Tell me!
What did I tell you about magic just now. Ask me something else.
Will Pizza always be my favorite food?
Uhh...No. And thank God for that, my metabolism couldn't take the assault.
Utter Crap! A little bit of Pizza is going to do nothing.
 Yea, well, cherish the super brill metabolism while it's still there. And you'll start loving rice and all the glory of the Bengali food. Don't make that face. You will. And mangoes. You will start loving mangoes like no other fruit.
 I know, mom never stops trying to feed me some mangoes. Ha! And that rice, mango and Bengali food thing should be interesting.
Yes, so off you go! You're giving me a headache already.
Wow, so cranky.
 I know. Blame it on the fe-fe-fe-fe-fe-fever!
What?
Never mind. And do me a favor, don't crave to be 25. It's not as glamorous as you think it is. I mean, okay, more fun definitely. But on and off you will crave to be in that sleepy town. So spend more time with the folks and stop bullying little sis.
God, you're all about the lectures these days aren't you? Anyway, I'll try. [Smiles]

Let It Be!

I was watching a video the other day (with a friend) about this girl who ranted away on how you shouldn't feel pressurized to get married as soon as you reach the so called marriageable age and how its OK to not run after a home, husband and kids. Basically it's OK to wait and what not.

But my point is, if I was getting married in say the near future (and I was that impressionable) this video would have made me feel pressurized and gulp down a couple of beers in the least. I mean WHAT THE FUCK?! It's a problem if you don't get married and now it's a problem and if you DO get married...can you girls decide? And why why why do we need to have norms!

In our quest of trying to liberate us from making choices that we did not want we are trying to tie us down with logic that never was. What you do with your life is your choice. I don't want to feel weird if I'm with the right person at the right time and wanting to get married. And god forbid if I'm in the 'right age to marry' bracket. I'm not doing it because of the pressure to do certain things at a certain age. I'm doing it because I genuinely want to.

If I'm able to live on my own and pay for my education (well half of it anyway) since the last 10 years. If I'm able to vote for the country. I think, I think, I would know when to get married. It's no pressure, really. It's these fucking FB statuses and blog posts from these 20-somethings that are so baffling. Ridic!

So yea, before you jump into your monologues about when someone should marry, at what age, to whom - so on and so forth...think again. It's all about living and letting the others live too, right?

Hulk...Smash!

10 days back I watched Avengers. I fell in love with the movie instantly. So both B and I went to watch it again. It's actually one of those movies you don't really get tired of. One of my favorite parts?

Bamm!

Apart from that when Capt America goes... "Hulk...Smash!" and Hulk goes berserk. This baby is slowly climbing the movie charts into being my top 5 movies of all times.

How I wish we could "Hulk...Smash!" through life. Just bulldoze through all the work, unpleasantness, uncomfortable parts of our lives.I mean of course life wouldn't be as much fun but atleast you don't have to face that asshole after 12 hours of work who wants to suddenly switch lanes or the slow poke who takes 10 mins to pay 20 bucks at the toll gate.

It's interesting how both examples are driving related. It gets on my nerves even when I don't do the driving. Imagine B actually doing the driving. So even when I thought that he'd absolutely gone nuts when he declared that he now has a driving face (read really unimaginably weird face) I didn't say a thing. I figured he needed the distraction from trying to scream his lungs out and tearing apart the assholes on the road.

City traffic just plain sucks. And B's been so good. Driving me to work, then to the pool so I can pretend I'm losing weight by splashing around and back home. The schedule is literally screaming out for a break. Therefore, Rishikesh it is this weekend. Oh and I can put my camera to some real use :)

New Baby = More Complicated Strategy For Eloping

I like to Elope. Once in a while. Yea, you read that right. I like to Elope.

Whenever I'm all Blah and there's nothing interesting happening I have a fake conversation with B.

"Let's Elope!"

His first reaction ever was - "But why baby? we don't need to, do we? Is there something I need to know?" Yes, it's safe to say he was scared. But then he started playing along and got even more creative than I normally do.

keep your bags packedI'll come to pick u up

  and you come down from your balcony

  I'll throw a rock at your window

Yes, I love crazy pillow talk.

But now we have a new baby. Our neeeewww car :) It looks fab, runs like butter and even has those lights that switch on once you slide open the mirror on the sun visor (my favoritest feature). No points for guessing that both of us are seriously crushing on this new baby. I should probably put up a picture. Anyhoo. This changes a few things though. How?

12:20 AM
Me: Lets' Elope, man.
B: How will we earn money?
Me: We don't need to. We'll sell beer or something.
B: But how will we buy fuel for our carrrr.

Silence.

Yes, this definitely changes a few things.

Complicated

Have you noticed how really simple questions can be mind boggling and very very complicated?

You would think a simple "How are you?" is well...simple. But no. You're wondering do you really want to know. What about the fact I don't feel too well today or that I haven't saved money in the longest time or I had really less sleep yesterday you know. While work is fine I don't know if that's what I want to do, I'm having trouble zero-ing in on something that I really really want that is truly deeply me.
But then you put a screeching halt to your train of thoughts and say "I'm fine, thanks."

And then the customary "How was your weekend?" that makes me want to end my association with corporate life.

Weekend? Well I twisted my ankle and it wasn't even a proper weekend considering I felt so damn tired. I'm clearly over-worked. One weekend is just not going to cut it anymore.  But, honestly, who wants to listen?

I mean you could've asked me how many monkeys NASA sent to space last year and you would have got the same smile & nod.

I don't know if I'm suddenly repulsed by all scoial human contact or is it just PMS. Don't know. No idea. Zilch. Nada.

What I do know, however, is if one my girls asked me that question I would actually say everything that's running through my mind. That's probably why most of our conversations start with "So where are we going drinking?"

The Sound Of Heaven

A couple of days back I woke up quite early for work. As I drowsily walked towards the shower, I realised that I had left the towel in balcony. Ugghh...

So bracing myself to face the freeze-your-brains-out cold outside I walked to the balcony. Hoping to get it over with soon, I grabbed the towel and started walking back. But then...

...that's when it started raining. A gentle pour, like something soft falling on velvet. And there was pin drop silence and I could see the clouds clearing up. I swear I could hear them moving/clearing. It was just a beautiful sound. It was then that I knew, everything that was going wrong would be alright. Don't ask me why, but I just knew.

I stood still for a few minutes before the biting cold drove me in.

But I couldn't help but wonder, if that's what Heaven sounds like. Either that or it sounds like B's drowsy morning voice.

First Day At Work

The last time I remember being genuinely nervous and having sweaty palms was in 2004 as I entered my college gates. Today, surprisingly, I was nervous! Ah, Mr. Change, why this kolaveri di?

But once the initial moment is over - it's amazing how easy things get. The best part was I knew everything about the things they talked about, but then, I guess that was the point of hiring me. Also, there is office boy who actually gets your coffee/tea right to your desk...yes, right to your desk! However right in the middle of the work day everything became a major blur...afternoon siesta time. But then I willed myself back to consciousness. It was my first day of work in a looong time - had to etch it in my memory.

However, I was the first to reach work, courtesy Mr. B driving me down. 'No! My baby's not going to work alone on her first day' - he put his foot down & I was more than happy to let him. SO I looked around the office, got an early cup of coffee, made plans on how I should decorate my desk while the others arrived. Once the zillion forms had been filled out and the bank account with 1500 priviledges set up, we had 2 hours to while away. Which is too bad...because all I wanted to do was run to B, who was 3 buildings away and give him a detailed account of how my day was. First day impressions are important!

So, the first day was pretty much perfect and subdued considering I didn't have to battle it against the Delhi Metro. I'll give you an update once I start using it. Because I may be a Public Transport Ninja...but commuting via Delhi Metro is no mean feat.

Selfish Love

It's difficult for people to be not busy. Because that's what we humans have evolved into. We gone through years and years of changes and evolution to become a breed that has so much to do at any given point in time that they hardly have time for themselves. There is so much clutter in our lives in forms of meetings, people you HAVE to connect with, emails that have to be sent out, reservations to be made, things you absolutely need to shop and so on and so forth that we always tend to eat into the time that should be about 'The Real Deal' in our lives. Things that matter the most.

Probably the only thing that hasn't evolved enough in humans is that stupid crazy heart. You know you don't have a care in the world, you don't have the time either or enough days in your calendar but that heart of yours will still go and find people that you want to do little things for, want to give some of that precious me-time of yours to, want to go all out for. Sometimes, these people are friends, cherished roommates or lovers.

But like I said, even those friends/lovers/roommates can get busy in this thing called Life. It's different (I Think) when you're spending 9/10 hours in a day with them sharing that office space. Keeping in touch is easy, asking about each other much easier. Well, I understand the difficulty of it all. I'm really bad at keeping in touch. Especially when life is flooded with things/issues/situations I've never faced before. Actually, you know that's not quite true. I'm only bad with talking on phones. You write me a 2 line email I will reply with a 100 lines. I like writing long, nice emails. And I do just that with most of my friends.

It is just that very few of your friends/roommates/lovers will know you enough and ask if You are feeling OK. If You are doing good. Because, while all tough situations in life may not be about you, you will still need the strength, compassion, love and understanding to go through with it.

Whenever, I'm at Pasta's place she'll always ask "You holding up fine?" or something to that effect. And will always leave me an offline/online message asking if I'm doing okay. And at the end of the day that's all you need. To know that there's someone who's thinking about You and sometimes only about you.

Because, we all need a little bit of selfish love at times.

The Thing About Garlic

...is that it's the best food/ingredient in the world. Can you imagine food without garlic. There is something blissful about a garlicky curry. Yesterday I bought pickled garlic. Almost slobbered all over B and the shopkeeper while buying it.

The only thing to keep in mind is not smell of garlic when you're kissing! Otherwise, garlic days are here again.

Things I Wish I Could Say If I Only Knew What They Meant...

1. We're still friends! (how under the holyshittingsky do people do that?)
2. No hard feelings (There are always hard feelings. Always)
3. I'm an Investment Banker. (whaaat do they do exactly?)
4. I don't believe in best friends! (Okay, you anti-social animal)
5. Open Source is the best thing that's happened since Apple.
6. The problem lies in the carburetor or [insert car related jargon].
7. My mutual funds/infrastructure bonds/company stocks are looking bullish/bearish (This is where a lot more insight into what's an 'investment banker' would help.)
8. I want to find my inner peace. (It's difficult with so many imaginary friends I presume.)
9. I have a headache/migraine. (Trust me when I say, I've never had one. Hangovers don't count.)
10. I'm deeply committed. (Everybody is commitment-phobic)\
11. No, thanks, I don't drink.

A Rant, A Love, A Movie ~ Times They Are A-Changin'

So, ok, I understand I'm a bawler, never too far away from shedding a tear or two but very few things actually make me question myself and keep me down for a prolonged time. It's one of those times. Something is going on (but, something is always going on with me) and I'm having quite a tough time dealing with it. And what's scarier is that bit by bit it's making a dent in my confidence. About time, I bounced back.

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But it's difficult to be down and out when you've got someone like B.

'You're the craziest, smartest, funniest, most intelligent girl I have ever met in my life. And I really mean it, I'm not just saying.' And then goes ahead and watches Scrubs with me till 2 AM hoping it would cheer me up.
And, out of all the days, Eno (Heena) pings me on a Monday morning with that new Eminem song and does her virtual drool. And M tells me I shouldn't be shouting via my status message (somebody stole my headphones, yo) because whoever took my headphones will now be scared to return them to me. And then I sit back and start working, knowing no matter what happens there are some people who will always find me smart, funny, attractive (read: Mr. B) and some friends who will always drool over Channing Tatum and Eminen with me (Read: Eno) or one who will always play 'who's got the better smart-ass comment' with me (Read: M).

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On Sunday evening, for the first time in a really long time I sat alone in a room watching Bridget Jones' Diary on TV. I haven't done that in a long time. In fact, I haven't done that since exactly last September (2010). It was deja vu and weird all in the same go. My single life was full of sunday nights watching some major chick flick. Bridget Jones featured quite a few times. I think I even have some of the dialogues memorized. And I knew where I would feel like crying. I knew which scene in the movie would make me bawl my eyes out. And still I'd cry when those scenes came. But yesterday was different. I mean I still felt the familiar surge of tears welling up inside me when Bridget ran out in the cold hardly wearing the appropriate clothes but somehow I wasn't trying to identify myself in her and I wasn't reaching for a box tissues neither was I curled up in my bed ready to sleep with the TV on, alone in my place. For starters, I didn't identify with her, at all. I didn't need those tissues because as soon as the tears slid down, B walked in, aghast, "It's a mooooovie!" And all I had to do was walk into the other room and see B sprawled all over the bed to know I'm not alone. Change is awesome. Change is good.

And times they are a-changing.