January 31, 2012

The A Word


Abuse. The dictionary has a very simple meaning for this word. Misuse. Maltreatment.

Unfortunately it does not even begin to cover the complexity of the reality of abuse. The multiple ugly layers that it has. Take this from someone who's been there, done that. So when things turned ugly between a friend and the supposedly better half, I saw red. No matter how bad things are, how ugly the things you say to each other are, a guy/girl absolutely cannot in any extent of the imagination think that hitting the other is a possibility.

But does that really eradicate Abuse? The very nature of something like this is it works in many, discreet ways. It need not always be physical. A lot of times it's emotional and mental. Afraid to talk about that co-worker who is funny that you share a completely platonic relationship with? Or about the good things that are happening at work? Just because it might make him mad? If that's a yes...it's abuse. Most women go through life unable to even recognize those tell-tale signs of abuse. These signs may not be in-your-face but it will surely and steadily eat you up and make you a different person. I'm trying to not be too dramatic...but one day you are going to wake up and not recognize the person you have become. Also, just because I'm talking from a woman's perspective does not mean it doesn't happen the other way around. It does.

I think the saddest the thing is, abusive relationships are also addictive. You are addicted to the authority the other person brings in your life. The confidence, self - importance that compensates for your own lack of it. Because admit it if all the above were there...you would have called it quits as soon as it started. This may not be helping anybody at all as I write it...but please, please get out of it as soon as someone hits you. That's a line you don't want to cross.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know it's hard. Easier said than done. Because when you discover the full extent of how loveless this whole fiasco is (does not matter how many times he cries and says he won't do it again) it's going to tear at the very core of your being. You'll need a heart of steel, agreed. But do it, because you owe it to yourself, to the parents who raised you like you were the only thing that meant anything to them, do it for the friends who love you unconditionally, to the perfect guy in future who is going to treat you like a princess.

January 25, 2012

Forever And A Day

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh," he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"

"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."”

January 24, 2012

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

"So when tomorrow starts without me, don’t think we’re far apart,
For every time you think of me, I’m right here in your heart."

Cancer won that battle. Early Friday morning we watched helplessly as she quietly went away. We hugged and cried as there was nothing to say, no words to comfort or reason. And what do you say to someone who has lost their mother. Nothing. So you just quietly stand there and hope the tears will be enough to express the grief and hurt inside.

I thought, an ode to one of the most amazing women I've met was due. But words can't do justice to the glorious life she'd lived. So we cried some more.

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow;
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle Autumn's rain.
When you waken in the morning's hush;
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight;
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

January 10, 2012

The Sound Of Heaven

A couple of days back I woke up quite early for work. As I drowsily walked towards the shower, I realised that I had left the towel in balcony. Ugghh...

So bracing myself to face the freeze-your-brains-out cold outside I walked to the balcony. Hoping to get it over with soon, I grabbed the towel and started walking back. But then...

...that's when it started raining. A gentle pour, like something soft falling on velvet. And there was pin drop silence and I could see the clouds clearing up. I swear I could hear them moving/clearing. It was just a beautiful sound. It was then that I knew, everything that was going wrong would be alright. Don't ask me why, but I just knew.

I stood still for a few minutes before the biting cold drove me in.

But I couldn't help but wonder, if that's what Heaven sounds like. Either that or it sounds like B's drowsy morning voice.

January 6, 2012

Weekend Education: Dating Don'ts Part 4

[Scheduled Post]

OK, here it is again. I told you the Holiday Season should officially be termed the Hook-Up Season. If you remember, I explained how people are desperate to hook up during this time. Most women definitely have their Manhunt Game face on. However, sweet and undeniably adorable that I am, I will tell you how to steer clear of the assholes. Here goes:

Never trust a guy -

1. Who thinks chivalry is for Mills & Boons historic novels.If he doesn't hold the door for you, give you the seat when the tube is crowded, he's not worth it.

2, Wears more jewellery than you. Ok, fine, this may be a more personal kind of a bias, but I do think it's a good benchmark.

3. Makes you pay for his drink. Well, equality and all that is just fine. But if he's interested in you he needs to come over and buy you a drink. Yes, this is what God wants and this is how it shall be.

4. Hits on your friends...what? there's nothing to explain! Take that at face value.

So here's hoping that this year be free of assholes in your life.


January 5, 2012

Why Was It So Good?

The other day one of my friends asked me - why was your 2011 so good?!

For a moment I didn't know what to say..I mean why was it good? I think I just came out of that year feeling like things were okay. They could have been worse, but they were not. But then, she told me a series of things that I know didn't go too well for me..and asked me if I still felt the same or was it the alcohol on 31st that made the whole year look good. As if!

She wasn't trying to drop me in the despair zone...but I think was looking for a way to see if she should be feeling happy about 2011 at all. Because I will admit, 2011 wasn't her year.

Then I thought there MUST be something more than me feeling "Oh, I came out of the year feeling good!" What were the things that made me happy?

- For starters, after a really long time I got something solid going with a guy whom I adore and who loves me back equally if not more.

- Second, I was beyond ecstatic when I realized that my parents saw the side of B that I fell in love with and actually really loved him! I was more grateful for the fact that they did not make a fuss about religion/caste or what not like most households. They showed the exact same values that they taught us growing up. It's very important for your parents to not fail you at any time...

- Over the course of the year some of us became a family away from home.

- I also realized no matter what people say there are some people who will remain friends and it doesn't matter if they're Down Under, Or partying with Uncle Sam or just rotting 2 buildings away.

- It's IMP to have a BFF. Or two. You need a little perspective when everything else fails.

- Sometimes you need a little push and a shove to get out of your comfort zone. Once there, you could be braving it better than anybody else.And things that matter, don't change just because you changed jobs.

So while, there will be times when the breath is knocked out of you and the ground is pulled from under you and, in either case, you fall, you just have to make sure there's someone to catch every such fall. In case the fall is too bad and they fall with you, make sure you laugh it off.

Because everyday does not need to be a battle. Choose your fights. And choose your Army. Because on days that you think you can't fight no more or that the fight is over, your army is what will carry you forward.

January 2, 2012


rocked better than Jagger.

Dear 2012, I don't know how you can top 2011. Just try and be half as good, OK?
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