'It's on the 14th!', she said. My stomach did a deep dive. I knew things were moving fast...but THIS fast?! I swallowed and smiled. Because, really, I couldn't be happier for the girl who has been the rock of my very existence not once, twice but countless number of times. I'm probably more jittery than she is, atleast for now. Lets call her 'My Rock.'
I'm in that stage of my life where all my close friends are tying the knot, or really close to tying the knot or sporting that circle of commitment with a diamond on top. C'mon, you know that everybody goes through that phase. And it's all I can do to start tearing my hair up. Dont get me wrong, I'm happy for my girl(s) and only wish the best for them. But I hate to think they are growing up because that means that I'm growing up too. It's just darn easy to be carefree, frivolous and without much responsibility downing drinks like our lives depended on it, every weekend. I'm still learning to grow up and it's quite a shocker to realize that my girls are 'there' as far as growing up is concerned.
As far as 'My Rock' goes she is everything I'm not. Balanced, sensible, responsible and...well, nice. Not to say she doesn't enjoy my un-balanced, insensible, irresponsible and bitchy ways. Oh, she does. But I hope everyone of you has met someone like her who'll carry you through all good and bad things you face without a word of critique or question. Little did I know, the first time I looked at the 100-watt smile and big curly hair that we'd be starting a story that only has a lot of indelible and unconditional love. That we'll survive, broken hearts, messy rumors, drunken nights and just plain nosy people.
They said you dont make 'friends' at work. BULLSHIT. She is one of the best friends I have today. I may not talk to her for years and I know that when we meet we will still fit like pieces of a puzzle. It's just amazing to me that I understand her so well even when she is nothing like me and vice versa. The day she goes through with the wedding and all, my hearts going to bleed. Okay, I know I know. I'll try not to sound too dramatic. But you do realise its almost like breaking my heart? And when it comes to the Random Us, I'm always a little too emotional. Ah well, I'm pretty emotional about The Messers also (remember the birthday I missed and the whining I did for my friends). Maybe someday I will tell you how and why I named us that.
And about Random Us, well we're just 4 girls who couldn't be more different from each other. If one of them had a blog both of us would have some major copyright issues. But anyhoo, lets keep it about My Rock in this post. And how it's going to break my heart just to see her go and not to have her around whenever I need to share something big or insignificant. But you know what they say about good news? Well, just because its good news doesn't mean it has good timing! Fine! I made that up...but it's true ya'll. But anyway, we'll always share out first love...John Mayer. Sigh. And whenever you're away, Imma listen to one of his songs or just freaking call you!
Please tell me you noticed! Well, if you're reading this and you've been on this blog before, you'd better notice. I changed the layout and name and so much more, ya'll! Exciting, no?!
Ah well, when I started out, Just Breathe seemed liked the apt name and it still is in many ways. I still tell myself 'Just Breathe' so many times, that frankly don't even expect me to keep a count on it. This what I used to say 'Things fall apart. Memories become hazy. That mental checklist isn't the same anymore. That claustrophobic feeling becomes overwhelming. In times like these remember to Just Breathe.' Still holds true...try it if you haven't ever.
But when it all started, things were a lot different than it is today. It was frankly a rough time, and this is what I tell myself in rough times. But now things are a LITTLE different (read: happier) and I decided to name the blog what I always wanted to call it (also, it after all IS the address of the blog as well). It is actually after my most favoritest quote in the whole wide world. This is because every time I hear that quote there is stirring in my heart, which I think what happiness should feel like. It goes something like this:
"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..." - Jack Kerouac
PS: This does not in any way imply that you won't have to go through some whiny posts from time to time.
Insecurities! They are ugly and demanding and takes over you more than you want them to, more than you'd ever like them to. So demanding, so pressing in their need to take over your existence that I thought I'd write and vent before I could even start working today. Just to drive some sort of sanity into that head of mine.
Is there really a logic behind it all? But was there ever a logic when it came to love and all the baggage love comes with? The answer I'm afraid is a resounding No. Insecurities are OK to have, as long as they are not the ONLY things you have in a relationship. So what if I'm unreasonable at times, and superbly irritating or even snappy...the heart of it all is that I love you. After all there is some truth in that over used phrase - 'If you can't handle the worst of me, you don't deserve the best of me.' Well, there's nothing to complain really. You handle it well most times (apart from the once in a blue moon flying off the handle thing) ad I'm surprised at how well you do that.
But, hey, the apple is not all rotten! There is a generous sprinkling of both good and bad, spicing things up that way, right?
I'm vain. I'm ridiculous. I'm unreasonable. I'm silly and clumsy. I cry. Like a baby. I fight and expect you to do the making up. I'm lazy. I second guess a lot. I'm moody. I'm demanding. I'm opinionated.
I love. Unconditionally. I understand. I accomodate. I take care of you. I'm funny. I've got good hands (no pun intended). I smile. A lot. I make good tea and amazing eggs. Honest. I sing even when I can't. I believe. I always have something to say (Not sure if that fits here).
I don't even know why I'm writing this, just one of those days I guess. Lets submerge myself in those Excel sheets.
MeghaC: I want to break up, should I go for it?
MeghaC: Too much effort this long distance is...
Me: I know. His natural instincts will take over anyway
I think, I THINK, I should've told her to stick it out, keep at it, give it sometime. Saying the right thing was never my...well, thing. Thank God she knows it as well.
Veni: Did you get those Android shaped USB drives for me?
Me: Yes! 2 of them!
Veni: Reeeaaaalllyy! You know I love you right?
Me: Yea. But you hide it well, really well.
I miss that girrrlll!! She was my source of pure sarcasm at times (apart from Megha). We have never had a conversation where we've been nice to each other. Hell, I think we didn't even know if we loved or hated each other for a long time! But some cronies be just like that, ya'll.
I'm such a sissy about being home and being comfortable, I tell you! So you can imagine my excitement when I found that I was back in my apartment doing what we did best - Being Inappropriate and being unapologetic about it!
But this post isn't about the awesome friends or the awesome life I hassss! It's about how disappointed I was that the Loch Ness monster decided to take the day off ON the day of my visit. And how I had secretly practiced all of my death moves in vain. I din't have to use it...At all!
Actually no, It's not about that. It's about this girl I met. Lets call her Mad Rags. Funniest German I ever met. So we were out...trying to pull an all nighter and drink and pass out,but we were too tired anyways. So we just sat beside the canal water on wooden benches with some red wine and discussed life. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to sometimes share you thoughts and life with people you've just met, just because a common friend gave them the vote of confidence? Well conversation flowed and effortlessly.
In the midst of some really hilarious conversation she said something that stuck with me. She said, "Love isn't something you can order out of a Menu! You can't order it at the right place, with the right people at the right time. Boy! has it got a mind of it's own. Just go with the flow ok?"
I was dumbstruck! That was the first time in the 10 days since I'd met her that she'd made sense, ya know?! Ah well, I hope all of you are going with the flow. So what if you can't order it? You can still enjoy it, right?