September 19, 2011

How To Fall In Love (And Be A Woman)

Sometimes when you're in a relationship for a long time and everything's hunky dory you forget that when a relationship ends how earth shattering it can be for you or anyone else.

Until someone you care about gets thrown into the vicious whirlpool of breaking up and recovering and all your forgotten pain comes to the fore because you know how tough they're having it right now. I meant to write this a while back (but you know how I can procrastinate!) - So, M, Eno and U this is for you (whenever you think the world's crashing around you):

Being a tough independent fun woman is a full time job. You're doing your thing, keeping your life sane, paying your bills... you don't count on falling in love but you do and if you've had something going you take pride in how well you balance your life.

Share your life and living space with the one. Put all your energy in maintaining that perfect balance. Give up and make your relationship your priority.  Forget to set boundaries. Lose yourself.

You break up. Sometimes its you and sometimes it's the other person. But you always blame your self. Because that's what you do best. Cry. Make calls at 2 AM. Attempt to form sentences when nothing comes to mind. Attempt to understand the situation in vain. Hate yourself for being so pathetic. Hate yourself more for not stopping this behavior. Try to bring some semblance into your life.

Put your self back together. Go on a misson to discover yourself because you really don't remember what it is like to be just you, truly only you. Eat too much. Then eat too less to compensate. Almost dial his number every 5 mins. Write emails to him. Suggest you should be 'just friends.' Cry when he says its too early. Sigh, because you know he was right.

Try to get over him for once and for all. Realize, you may never be truly over him. Almost murder people who say 'Time heals all wounds.' Truly madly deeply hate the person who coined the phrase - whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

Look at the calendar and applaud yourself (mentally, of course) when you realize that it IS possible for you to not talk to him for 2 weeks straight. And you don't need Rehab after all. Throw yourself a party. Get pissed drunk. Drunk dial him. Hate yourself in the morning. Cry to make yourself feel better.

Start noticing men who are not good for you. Hell, who are probably not good for anyone at all. Like the attention all these men give you. Agree to coffee dates. Be flirtatious. Dial it up a notch when you realize they don't want anything from you. Cry when it's over. Except this time, these tears are not of acute sadness.

You've found yourself. You know who you are. The confidence, the independence and the fun that was the basic you is back. You no more walk into a room full of people and feel awkward because he isn't there to quickly come and hold you around the waist or land a peck on your cheek. Life's back on track

The point is - this will always be a wicked ride. You'll make a few mistakes in the path to recovery, however, these are not mistakes you'll ever repent because they helped you find YOU. And all the people who told you that time heals all wounds... were not on crack.

5 comments:

Aasiyah said...

and i like what you just wrote. i guessed it was also for me. :) thank you.

BROWNBUGZ said...

Saw your blog from "It's Comment Love Day" at FTLOB. Hope you're having a nice day! I'll be following your blog from now on. I love to read other bloggers. :-)

A Ladybug's Life

Sonnia

mannequin said...

haha! this sounds just like me. been there done that.

upasana said...

u missed out 'cry for random reason reasons like, it's Thursday and it's customary go out and eat night'! but what the hell, it will always be a wicked ride!

Thanks <3

Bishakha said...

I love the hurriedness in your writing. Using this style of writing to write about a phase (of life) that might have been like ages to the writer, gives us a picture of how (emotionally)strong the writer is and makes the whole blog more interesting and power-packed.. LOVE IT!

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