December 29, 2010


Day before yesterday was an usual laid back day. Went to Upasana's place for some delish food. We as in Mr. Blackberry (for the sake of anonymity again) and I. Yes, we're taking it one day at a time.

So the point is while we're driving back to his place on cold, foggy evening and 95FM is playing on the radio and suddenly it starts playing the 'Ghostbusters' theme song! Oh my God! I have not felt such overwhelming surge of happiness and nostalgia in a while now! I was honestly over the top with happiness for those few minutes. Everything that spelled childhood for me came back in a sudden rush. That Riverside bungalow, fights with my sis over the TV remote, Friday movie evenings with the fam and so much more.

Music really is the food for the soul. Whoever said it was bang on! Sometimes all you need is a familiar song to lift up your mood, or put things in perspective.

The Best Laid Plans

It's not enough for your heart to break, because everybody's heart is broken now ~ Allen Ginsberg

December 20, 2010

9AM: I wake up with the words from yesterday's fight creating havoc in my head till it's almost madness. I roll over and look at you, you're asleep with those adorable sheet creases on your face. I hug you. You turn away.

11AM: You tell me, "Baby, are you ok? Do you really want to do this?" I nod emphatically in agreement, because right now in my life there is nothing I want more that you. I want this. I want us.

1:20PM: Lunch. Things look ok. Atleast, that's what I let myself believe.

2:40PM: I thought to myself 'It's just a small fight. We'll get over it' - I couldn't have been more wrong. So, I walked over to his desk, in my head practicing my best smile while I ask him for a smoke break. I did just that. He turned and said, 'I am talking to QB' That would be his ex. Apparently the love of his life. I will refer to her as QB for the sake of anonymity. I walk away. It's amazing how you can smile, hold your head up high and walk away when a word, a sentence or a look just sucked the life out of you.

4-something PM: We're sitting on the stairs, opposite the 'No Smoking' sign, cigarette in hand. While I hear those words tumble out of his mouth - It's not fair to me, he's being a jerk, he can't get over her, he can't stop thinking about her. All the while he talked I did a virtual scream in my head and I said, 'Stop it! Stop saying those things! You don't mean it. If you cared you wouldn't have gone running to her just after we fought. You never gave us a chance.' But I just sat there and looked at his pretty mouth form those words while my eyes teared up.

5:30 ish PM: I had lost all track of time. Work was a haze. I waited for the conversation we promised ourselves. Now we are sitting in his car in the parking lot. It's too cold outside. We cry. We look at each other. We try to say the appropriate thing. Doesn't happen. We cry some more. Then I say, 'Let's try us. Let's try being together. After a while if you still feel the same we can let go of each other. You say it's difficult to be without me so let's not do this. Let's give us a chance' And I'm surprised I said that at all. And here we are with the agreement that we'll be together till it makes sense. If things change we'll be together some more. And I'm crossing my fingers and placing all my bets on things changing.

You see, the best laid plans never work out. I've been a hopeless romantic all my life. Wanted that perfect relationship, with the perfect guy who would say the perfect things when I woke up. But that's what it is about this life. Don't make plans, don't be in a hurry for life to happen. It will in it's own time. For somethings you just have to wait. I'm going to quote a line from the movie 'The Weather Man' - "In this shit life, we must chuck some things." Kind of seems apt at this time. If it comes to chucking something I'll do it. Till then, I'm right here.

December 28, 2010

There Is Always A Reason

Some Sing. Some Dance. Some Write. No matter who you are and what you do there is always a reason. It sets you free, it keeps you sane, it let's you vent.

I write. I am the quintessential notepad and fountain pen writer. I like it that way. And yes, not only does it set me free but it keeps me sane too. I have never really liked the idea of blogs. Don't get me wrong, reading blogs is 'my thing.' I love reading them, getting a glimpse of other people's life, relating to their problems, happiness, uncertainties. For a moment in time, you forget your life's struggles and it almost doesn't exist. Yes, almost. I just never thought I'd be able to carry on with a blog, commit to it for that matter. I like that flow of energy and the feel of the fountain tip on paper when I write. Your thoughts, emotions given life by the intricacies of the English language. I just cannot explain what I really feel about writing.

So why this blog, and why now? I need to keep that head of mine. I need to be sane. A lot of things are happening and I need that outlet called Writing. Because, in life, somethings you are not meant to deal with and you can only do things to make you feel better about what's happening around you and to you. Writing makes me feel better. And, starting now, I'm gonna do just that. And yes, if you're wondering why did I choose a blog all of a sudden (since I wasn't ga-ga over it earlier), it's because I have always had this weird, misplaced sense of responsibility towards life & earth & humankind. This is my 2 cents towards saving Planet Earth. I'm gonna save on those papers.
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