January 31, 2012

The A Word


Abuse. The dictionary has a very simple meaning for this word. Misuse. Maltreatment.

Unfortunately it does not even begin to cover the complexity of the reality of abuse. The multiple ugly layers that it has. Take this from someone who's been there, done that. So when things turned ugly between a friend and the supposedly better half, I saw red. No matter how bad things are, how ugly the things you say to each other are, a guy/girl absolutely cannot in any extent of the imagination think that hitting the other is a possibility.

But does that really eradicate Abuse? The very nature of something like this is it works in many, discreet ways. It need not always be physical. A lot of times it's emotional and mental. Afraid to talk about that co-worker who is funny that you share a completely platonic relationship with? Or about the good things that are happening at work? Just because it might make him mad? If that's a yes...it's abuse. Most women go through life unable to even recognize those tell-tale signs of abuse. These signs may not be in-your-face but it will surely and steadily eat you up and make you a different person. I'm trying to not be too dramatic...but one day you are going to wake up and not recognize the person you have become. Also, just because I'm talking from a woman's perspective does not mean it doesn't happen the other way around. It does.

I think the saddest the thing is, abusive relationships are also addictive. You are addicted to the authority the other person brings in your life. The confidence, self - importance that compensates for your own lack of it. Because admit it if all the above were there...you would have called it quits as soon as it started. This may not be helping anybody at all as I write it...but please, please get out of it as soon as someone hits you. That's a line you don't want to cross.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know it's hard. Easier said than done. Because when you discover the full extent of how loveless this whole fiasco is (does not matter how many times he cries and says he won't do it again) it's going to tear at the very core of your being. You'll need a heart of steel, agreed. But do it, because you owe it to yourself, to the parents who raised you like you were the only thing that meant anything to them, do it for the friends who love you unconditionally, to the perfect guy in future who is going to treat you like a princess.

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