Doppelgangers

Well eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. These completely different people who just happen to look like us. Five years ago? That girl was pretty great. But doppelganger Robin? She's amazing. - Ted Mosby, HIMYM

If you were me September would be a ka-razy month for you. In a good way. Almost 50% of the people in my life who are important have their birthdays on September. Mom, Dad, Mr. B, Mr B's dad, BFF,2 of my fav girls, 2 of my closest cousins, one childhood friend and the list goes on. And if the first birthday of the month is anything to go by...I can probably only rest when October hits.

But with birthdays comes surprises. I think I like surprises even though I pretend to hate them. I mean I'm not sure. I haven't figured it out yet. You'd think at 26 I'd be able to tell if I like a certain thing or not. Turns out that's not how I roll. I mean some surprises you are bound to love. For example a surprise Katy Perry concert bang in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard on the day of my visit! True Story.

So I keep wondering if it's as difficult for other people to figure themselves out. It's fun, sometimes. But there are times when I could definitely do without the uncertainties. We are all looking to find ourselves through our travels, reading, adventures, work, friends, family etc. But by the time we find ourselves do we become a different person? Do we find someone we never were? Just doppelgangers who act, talk and walk like us?

Doesn't make any sense? I know. Me too.

Bake!

They say baking is a science. You’d never guess if you were to ever visit my house on weekends in the 90’s or early 2000s. My mom made baking look like a joke you’d crack at dinner parties. She was so good at it that it wasn’t any surprise that I was a fat kid. She is a science teacher to be fair. On weekends she’d be whipping up cakes like it was going out of fashion the next day. And like I said, she was bloody good at it.

During the week the super sleuth mother of mine would ask me “D, what is the fruit you hate to eat?”. “Apple,” I’d say. That weekend we ate the most amazing apple cakes. But soon I got the hang of it and one week I said “Strawberries!”. Mom: “But you’ve never had strawberries!” Me: “but, maa, I am convinced that strawberries can be disgusting.” I got a banana cake that weekend. My mum, she’s smart like that.

You know how famous cooks or in the movies they say “I developed a passion for cooking/baking while watching my mother cook and helping her out” ? Well, I always watched her bake. On my birthday, on sis’s birthday, on Saturday, on Sunday…pretty much all of my growing up years. I’ve smelled delicious chocolate cakes, bundt cakes, brownies, biscuits, muffins come out of that battered oven we owned. I know the steps. Almost by heart. But I never learned from her. I was just so content watching her and then packing them away for my Sunday morning picnic with my best friend and her dog as our caretaker.

So Saturday I attempted baking. Because I was craving home made cakes suddenly. Maybe it was because BFF went home and kept talking about how awesome the town we grew up in was, and how she hates coming or maybe because it’s been a bloody 5 months since I’ve seen the folks (which in my world is hell of a lot of time) or maybe because I spent 5 days thinking I’m going to die of viral fever. Needless to say it was a disaster. The kitchen looked like a war site. Not one to give up I tried again on Sunday. This time I put the boyfriend to work as well. This is time the kitchen was clean and cake was good. Nowhere close to Mother’s cakes, not fluffy enough, not the right texture but it tasted pretty good. Well, now I’ve at least made a little headway into completing one of my Life List entries. I should be almost there by end of year. Maybe.

Benchmarks

It's Friday night, and I'm waiting for the cab to be here so I can leave work and go home...and drink. Also I'm finishing off my weekly status report to send to my manager. Yea, he kind of has trust issues. 9 points down I can't remember anything else and that's not good. I mean that's enough work but a list that has 9 points looks...weird. I mean it should have like even numbers...if the numbers are in fives or tens that's even better. It's like this pet peeve I can't get rid of. But then, I realised there is a 10th point in there.

10. I cleaned up your mess!

With the list complete , mentally of course, I was just looking at random things on Facebook. I just decided that I am GLAD I have benchmarks for certain things in my life. Yes, I do have a ridiculous number of benchmarks but at least it keeps me from turning into people I dont like, or lifestyle I'd rather not have.

1. I'm never going to hold some one responsible for the mess I have created. Never. Even if I become the CEO or win the damned Noble Prize.
2. I know some friends who are SO married it just gets on my nerves. I also know friends who act like they are married couple celebrating their 25 years together, when they are only dating. I'm never going to be that married. I'm always going to have at least of couple of friends crashing my place, and I'm always going to do Thursday Ladies night with Pasta and some drinking session with the girls. I have a full proof plan. Pasta is allowed to bitch slap me into another galaxy if I become too married at any point in my life. I can do the same.
3. Have lazy Friday nights. Lazy weekends? Yes. Friday night? No, sir! I mean why in the world would I sit and laze at home when I'm perfectly healthy and capable of getting drunk and being a nuisance?! I'll act 50 when I'm really 50. No my ideal Friday night will never be drinking coffee and cooking food.
4. I will not a be a corporate slave or a brand whore. 
5. I refuse to be an obese couple. This is why I'm waking B up at 6 in the morning to run. He probably hates me by now.

Rest are a little to detailed or personal. But what I;m saying is - Have Benchmarks. Super solid, non-vage, real benchmarks. You don't want to be 50 and be someone you never wanted to be.

City Of Dreams?

We have a million questions

All about our lives

And when I got to New York

Everything felt right

I wish you were here with me tonight

~FM Static (improv)

I always thought NYC would be special. I don't know why, but I knew. It's like looking at the new roommate and knowing you'd hit it off.

 

The first time I saw the skyline appear I was in a shuttle with 6 strangers. I drew in a sharp breath and thought “this is your moment, Mr Life List, this is it.” And I made sure I carefully registered their faces. Nothing about this moment should be lost on me. I was to be dropped off at Port Authority an avenue/block away from Time Square and take a cab from there. I had the details carefully written in a bright pink post-it. As I stepped out I felt the warm clammy air …and bright lights. It was 1:41 AM and the city was abuzz with people, cabs and noise. I looked around at the street names and on impulse I decided I’d be walking to my sister/friend… sister-friend’s (?) place. I remember her telling me that it wasn’t too far away. Later she told me almost everybody she’s known has been utterly confused whenever they’ve been here for the first time. I found their place nice and easy. I told you we were supposed to fit. We did.

And I took my time. I felt the place. I breathed that air. You know just before you are about to cry that burning  behind your eyes? That happened. I thought why am I crying? Turns out it was overwhelming emotion. Walking in the City Of Dreams. A HUGE check on my Life List. But that overwhelming emotion wasn’t for that…

…It was the realization that this would not have been possible had it not been for B in my life. At the end of the day that is who you really need. Someone who cares so much about your dreams that they make it happen for you. You’re very own dream-maker.

Maybe it’s called the City Of Dreams not because it makes your dreams come true. Maybe it’s called the City Of Dreams because it helps you realize that for someone your dreams are as big a deal as it is for you. That there’s someone who doesn’t read your life list and goes “Oh, cute!” but actually makes it happen.