March 11, 2011

Weekend Education: Dating Don'ts - Part 1

I thought since most people are completely *missing the point* when it comes to dating I'd help them out. And since weekends are generally the time when people go out and party and feel the obsessive need to hook up with people I thought I'd impart some weekend education on Dating Don'ts. Hey! All of us are aware of the Dos but very few people, I mean very very few people know about the Don'ts. Also as FYI for the couples, Weekends and Holidays (esp NYE, Christmas etc) are equivalent to the Zombie Apocalypse of the SingleHood world. Feel free to call it Couplehood-PDA-Overdose Apocalypse or some such thing. IDK.

Here goes the first few rules of the Dating Don'ts:

1. Do Not Date A Girl/Guy With Crazy Eyes

Just in case you're not aware of what 'Crazy Eyes' really looks like.
It's always a Potential One-Day-You-Find-Your-House-In-A-Wreck alert! Trust me. Crazy eyes would mean she's obsessed with something or maybe takes things too personal. So you'd have to really think hard before pissing her off. And if you fine day you walk into your apartment to find a major case of vandalism there. Oh and that also means you will NEVER BE ABLE TO BREAK UP WITH HERRRR!

2. Do Not Date a Guy/Girl Who Spits All Over Your Face While Talking

Or for that matter spits on your friends face and his girlfriends face. Soon you'll find she's spitting on the faces of everybody who is close to you. And before you could bat another eyelid you'd need wipers on your glasses. And just in case you don't wear glasses...well, too bad!

3. Do Not Date Anyone Who Sleeps With A Knife Under Their Pillow

Safety is an ...wait for it...EXCUSE! That knife will be the only indication to her psychotic behaviour. Before you think I'm over reacting let me tell you that there are alternatives to taking care of her safety. Burglar Alarms, Pepper Spray...the works. So why why oh why a KNIFE? So that in the middle of the night when your defenses are down and out  she can quickly and sure....I will leave the rest of that sentence to your imagination.

These are things your mom won't tell you, so, You're Welcome!

Stay tuned for more...later!


upasana said...

hahahahahahahahaha. OMG. No you didn't just post crazy eyes!!!

PG said...

I did! :D

M said...

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA You're effing crazy! LOVE this post!

Ella said...

You made my daughter (teen) and me (in my 40's) laugh with your dating don'ts :D They would apply for anyone at any age. Timeless. Very true and humorous at that! You're smart and sounds like learning from experience.
Keep blogging! Blessings to you always!-Ella

Joyce Lansky said...

Thanks for the advice. I'll have to keep an eye on my daughters' boyfriends.


Chasing Joy said...

This is really funny. As a single girl I appreciate these don't tips. Looking forward to part 2.

stopping by from Write on the edge.

Chasing Joy said...

Thanks for linking up for the Flashback. Link up every friday on Chasing Joy.

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