August 12, 2011

Perfectly Bad At It!

Ok now I know I'm nothing short of a good cross between a superhuman and a ninja. Whaaaat?! Ofcourse I'm not making this up, I gave you a HINT earlier remember? Fine, I'll make you believe me, don't say I didn't warn you -

  1. I can make up excuses like nobody's business. Like if you asked me a question and if I didn't know the answer and I know that I probably SHOULD know the answer I'll make it up! And you wouldn't doubt me for a second. Megha actually comes to me when she needs to be a little creative about making up excuses for various reasons that cannot be acknowledged here.
  2. I have to hear your number 3 times, exactly, 3 times to remember it as long as I'm friends with you. Yea, you heard that right. As long as I'm friends with you.
  3. Give me any life situation and I have an equivalent F.R.I.E.N.D.S. video for it. Kid you not. Also the ability to watch 150th rerun of any friends episode.
  4. I spy, therefore, I am - Ok, fine! Maybe this is something most woman are born with, oh, but I'm goood. You have no idea.
  5. Ability to fake the knowledge of stuff that's happened to you so you confide. If, ofcourse, it's good enough to arouse my curiosity.
  6. Can watch 3 seasons of america's next top model in a day. Livin' for the drama, people!
  7. Sleazy jokes, funny jokes, cool jokes, intelligent jokes - you name it and I can crack it!
But all that superhero power, charisma, magnetism falls flat on its face when it comes to a few things. I mean, I never thought I'd have a Nemesis, but turns out, I do! Not 1 but 3.


Car Doors:

I cannot, simply cannot for the life of me close a car door in one go. I always try and slam it and the slam becomes something between a push and a touch and the door doesn't close properly or so the car light inside tells me. B, on the other hand finds this quite amusing. Sometimes, the amusement borders on exasperation and he'll do that laugh of his "ha, ha, he,hmmm" and I can almost see his eyes scream murder.
I can't help it! It's just something that I cannot dooo! It just doesn't happen. Maybe I was a blue blood in my former life who always had at-least 5 people running around closing doors and shit.

Lizards:

I'm cool, calm, composed...except when I see a lizard. I hate those slimy reptiles. They give me the goosies, the shivers and my general well being gets affected. Once we were eating lunch and B's mom saw something move behind me and she said, "Is that a lizard?!"

Beeeeeeeeep! Wrong word!

I screamed and shouted at the top of my lungs and ran to the other, threw the plate of food I was carrying, and jumped and shouted and stripped my t-shirt off until B came and told me, "WTF! there's no lizard!" Much to the amusement of all the workers in the house. So see, there you go, I can't handle lizards and you would've thought nothing could get to me.

Genuine Compliment:

I can't handle a genuine compliment. I blush, twitch, try to act coy, try to smile, try to say something appropriate but I never know what the right/exact response should be. Then I just end up cracking some lame joke and making the situation awkward. This really is the biggest of 'em all. A downer if you're single and willing to mingle. Cos you see I can win you over with my humor and smartass cracks and knowledge of current world events and show you that I have an opinion and a very strong one at that. I have to admit you will be bowled over (if you're interested in women). And you will only keep liking me at a exponentially progressive level....unless ofcourse you pay me a genuine compliment.


3 comments:

Subtle Expressions said...

hahah Love it two times over, and there its not exactly an in your face compliment, so no awkwardness :P

AcetylCholine said...

I can't shut a car door properly in the first go as well. Also, I trip on marbled floors all the bloody time.

Sanhita said...

Okay so I slam car doors and all the men out there hate me for it so now I do it so softly that it doesn't work either but at least I am spared the glares... Also I loved the way we procrastinated our way out of a unpleasant desk changing situation.. so it goes.. procrastinate it long enough and you will discover that you need not do it at all! Is this one of your super powers too?

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